I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
