She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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