so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
