Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
