then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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