I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
