Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I pour the whiskey from now on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
