MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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