i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am available for nakedness
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
