i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
