Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
