My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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