dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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