i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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