Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
