it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
