If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
