I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
