last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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