normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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