why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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