Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
