Where did you get a picture of my penis
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
