He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
