It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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