Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
