he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
