she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
