I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
