If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
