He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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