i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just high enough for therapy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
