it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
