I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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