I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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