you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
