2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
