Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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