so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
