don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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