yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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