I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
