I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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