we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
