Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
