i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
