I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
