Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
