I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
