8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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