Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
