We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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