Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
