I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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