Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
