But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
