From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come share oat with me in your robe
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
