we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
