So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
