with your own penis?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
